Amanda van Scoyoc

We’ve moved into our new house. It’s a townhouse, but so much more of a house than anywhere else I’ve ever lived. In our new house Eli can be upstairs and I can be downstairs and we are not forced into continuous interactions. I have a feeling that this is the beginning of getting older and I’m having a bit of a hard time letting go. I like our new house. I like that all of our shit fits into the closets and that there is the potential for not having piles of stuff everywhere. This house can stay clean. This house doesn’t have holes in the wall or so many mice that everyday we have to check mousetraps and clean up mouse droppings. It’s functional and that’s just a little weird for me. 

You have to understand that our old house was Eli’s bachelor pad. It was there before I existed to Eli, and when it became my house, we became a couple. I’ve always liked that Eli found a house that I would love before we knew each other. I like that the old house reflects who he was before me, but ended up reflecting us as well. 

But the era of our heat leaking crappy house came to an end. Eli is not sentimental the way I am, and he wanted out a long time ago. I pushed him to stay there for as long as I could, and then at some point the mouse droppings piled up, the stove started to smell like burning mouse droppings every time we turned it on, I made scones and had to drive them to Erin’s house to bake them, and I converted to his belief that the house was pretty crappy and that we had to get out. 

But yesterday was the last day and I went back one last time on the very last day that it was ours. I loved that house. The light. The corner where we first kissed on the crappy couch that I certainly will never let Eli be rid of. The porch where I’ve watched baby birds with delight (they’ve watched me with complete terror.) It was hard to leave.

Eli on our old porch, leaving for his first day of being a full time employed web designer.

 

IA final meditation in the mouse droppings kitchen.

 

Up against the wall where we had our very first kiss.

 

The windows that let in the light that woke us up for the past three years. One final thought and I then I shut the door.