Amanda van Scoyoc

We have known this for a while, but I have not wanted to write about it here. It only feels real now, over a month since we made the decision. Back in December I circled April 15th on my calendar and wrote in big letters “YOU NOW KNOW YOUR FUTURE.” I looked forward to that day, knowing it was the deadline for deciding on a graduate program and believing that making that decision would bring peace. Instead on that day, I knew I was going to Oregon, I had just made the decision, but I didn’t really believe it. I wasn’t willing to write it down here or in any journal. It was a decision left to sink in.

Deciding which grad school offer to accept was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. It was not just deciding on a place to live, but a person to become, an education to pursue. If I had gone to Michigan, I would have been an anthropologist. If I had gone to UNC, I would have been a social work researcher. Now I am going to be a clinical psychologist designing and evaluating interventions for foster care youth, and hopefully incorporating anthropology and social work into my PhD. Is that right for me? I hope so.

I remember early on thinking that this decision was like watching the Kentucky Derby. There were five schools in the running. Each one had its moment in the spotlight. I left Eli little notes on the table in the morning letting him know how the schools compared at that very moment. I was so conflicted that it was just too difficult to have the grad school conversation every day. In the end, it was Oregon that came galloping in from the back. It pushed through the others and took the lead. I’ve watched the Kentucky derby where Mind that Bird wins over and over. That’s Oregon. Where did that come from? Oregon was the school I applied to on a whim because I just couldn’t help but like the PI, Phil Fisher. And in the last moments, in a short half hour conversation with him in a coffee shop, I was sold.

So, we are moving to Oregon. School starts September 16th. We need to figure out where to live out there, move our stuff west, make new friends, and find peace living on the other side of this continent.

Before we go, we’re getting married. This is where we met, 3.5 years ago. This is where I always thought I would buy my first house and go to graduate school. I wanted to stay near my sister and convince my parents to retire in sunny North Carolina. That is all gone, for now. But one more life event will take place here. On August 21st, on a goat farm, in the oppressive Carolina heat, Eli and I will commit to each other for life.

A couple of days after that, we will get in my car (Eli’s will be sold by then) and drive across the country to a city that I have seen once for three days. I will take statistics, psychopathology, clinical ethics and methodology my first semester. If it’s the right program for me, then 6 years down the line I will have my PhD and be a seasoned Oregonian.